Two months ago I found a lump on my breast. If you ask my husband Bret, he will tell you that I am a total hypochondriac, and I must admit that he is right. But recently having had a friend of my age be diagnosed with and successfully fight the living hell out of breast cancer, I didn’t feel like leaving anything to chance. I waited around a month before going to see a doctor, mainly because I didn’t think it would be anything serious, and also because boobs like to do weird things depending on the day of the month. The day before Thanksgiving, I realised the lump seemed bigger and I began to panic. I went straight to an Urgent Care Centre after work, hoping that they would simply inform me that it was a cyst, that I was indeed a hypochondriac and I should just go home and prepare a Thanksgiving feast. However, the lovely doctor who saw me did not like the feel of the lump, nor the size, and she referred me for an ultrasound the following week so that we could get a better look at what we may be dealing with.
The following Wednesday I went to a breast imaging centre in Tarzana. I was nervous but pretty sure I had all the odds in my favour. I watched the ultrasound screen as the tech completed the exam, and even I could see that there was something pretty large and black and terrifying appearing on the screen. It still could be a cyst I told myself whilst I waited for the verdict. Nope, it looked solid, it looked big, it looked abnormal and it had irregular margins. I feel pretty confident at this point in saying that you never want irregular margins for anything. I was told a biopsy was needed but that whatever it was, it had an intermediate risk for malignancy.
Five days later I was back for a biopsy. This was the day that I began to realise that things weren’t looking good. The wonderfully kind doctor who performed my biopsy did not like the way the tumour felt or how it responded to the biopsy. I was straight through for a double mammogram, but due to how young I am, it’s not a very effective way of telling what a mass is, or even how many masses there are. I’d been upgraded to a probable chance of malignancy, and I half listened as a kind nurse told me she knew I was worried and that she would rush through the results.
The next day (Tuesday, December 4th) at around lunchtime, I sat in my car outside my work, listening to my doctor tell me over the phone that I had breast cancer. My pathology testing was in such an early stage, that we knew little more than that at 29 years old I had invasive ductal carcinoma. That day and the following, were such whirlwinds of panic, grief, anger and fear of what my prognosis would be that I can barely remember how Bret and I spent our time. Mainly it was telling family and friends the news that no one ever wants to hear.
On Thursday, Bret and I had an initial meeting with my surgeon at the Santa Monica Breast Cancer Centre. We had so desperately been waiting for this appointment as we had zero information and by this point I’d had no sleep and was convinced I was going to die. Thank goodness, my surgeon pushed any such thoughts out of my mind. In fact, I pretty much immediately asked her if I was going to die and she said with astounding confidence “I’m not going to let you”. I basically sobbed on her lap right then! She told me that the cancer I have is very treatable and that I am going to survive this.
So, now to the nitty-gritty boring stuff of what I’ve actually got. My lump is positive for both estrogen and progesterone, which means the hormones that I naturally produce in my body are feeding it. That means a hormone suppressant to cut off the f***er’s food supply. The lump is positive for HER2, which means starting my treatment with 6 aggressive rounds of chemo which will hopefully shrink it down, followed by a month break, and then surgery. My tumour is fast growing, which makes it grade 3, and it is somewhere between 3 and 4 cm in size, which means I am early stage 2. So there you have it, Grade 3 Stage 2 Triple Positive Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. Basically, I’m a complete overachiever. Not necessarily a bad thing, as being positive for all of these hormones means that there are specialized and very effective treatment plans available to me.
Now for the not so great news (in case you thought any of the news so far was good lol); chemo can make having babies pretty hard once all this nightmare is over with. And I so would like to provide the world with some little (hopefully) musical geniuses! So today really has been the hardest day so far, as Bret and I went calmly and hopefully along to a fertility clinic this morning only to be told that in order for them to have any chance of freezing my eggs before the lab CLOSES FOR CHRISTMAS we need to get going TODAY. This is a very important timeline because the longer this all takes, the longer I have to wait for chemo, and ya know, I do have an aggressive breast cancer. So there were rushed blood tests, ultrasounds, forms to be filled out, multiple co-payments and a five-minute demonstration on how to inject your own belly, which all culminated in discovering that our insurance will cover absolutely zilcho. There was a moment when Bret and I just cried in a corridor, whilst nurses walked past and other patients looked at us with pity. Not my favourite moment that’s for sure! We made the decision to go for it and work out the money later, so two hours ago I successfully stabbed myself in the stomach with two injections whilst Bret freaked out from a safe distance. This will continue for around 7-10 days until I’m ready to harvest and freeze eggs. Luckily you don’t have to do that part yourself!
Back in Cancerville, I have an MRI on Tuesday and a full interdisciplinary meeting on Wednesday to meet with my full cancer dream team. I haven’t met my oncologist yet, so that is going to be a huge step forward. We will be finalising the treatment plan, and I imagine we will be getting ready to start chemo a few days before Christmas, but we’ll know more next week.
I’d like to thank all of our family and friends so far who have just been so incredibly supportive and kind and understanding. We have been truly overwhelmed by the amount of people who have reached out to us with well wishes, to offer their support and to give us their love. It has meant everything to us and has been a great solace during an unbelievably awful time. It is our hope that this blog will enable everyone to keep up to date on how things are going for us and (selfishly) will allow us to not have to repeat information or answer too many questions, as it does get overwhelming at times. Having said that, please know that messages of support are always welcome! As are funny animal gifs, pep talks with swearing and recommendations for any movies or TV shows with badass female protagonists who have overcome their obstacles! (not cancer though please lol)
With love,
Emma and Bret xxx
Triple Positive +++ 